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    May 31

    I don't mean to be rude but...

    22.10 Thursday evening. Watching TV in bed. Sa’s out on a girlie evening at an Italian restaurant in Arundel. She deserves a night out.
     
    Just as I thought ‘Idol’ had finished with the crowning of Taylor Hicks last week, Simon Cowell flew back to the UK only to start a new series called The X-Factor: Battle Of The Stars. It’s basically the same as American Idol only the performers are already stars in anything other than singing. It lasts just one week and is unfortunately just as compelling viewing.
     
    We have chefs, actresses, a model, radio DJs and even a rugby player. And Simon has been on blistering form – more than once coming out with those infamous words “I don’t mean to be rude but…”.
     
    Just realised that Simon once held down a job in A&R at BMG. Isn’t that what Ross does?
     
    Yours kinda wishing I’d never started watching this,
     
    S.
    May 30

    Transformation complete

    Tonight I went online to the mac store and clicked on the pic of the 17-inch MacBook Pro. So tempting. It's the final move from corporate to creative. Sleek, metallic, smart, reliable and cool.
     
    I did it. So there we are. Life is going to change.
     
    Yours wondering what I’ll think of this in the morning,
     
    S.
    May 28

    Dreams

    Back in Felpham, safe and sound.
     
    The journey was perfect until Charlotte when I got sat next to the largest person on the plane. I’d also not got my melatonin tablets, although frankly an anaesthetic would have been more appropriate for someone with their legs tucked behind their ears and no place to put the left half of his body. The nicest part was waking having dreamt that a song Sue and I wrote (After) got cut by Amy Grant.
     
    But it’s wonderful to be home. Poppy asked if I had to stay in America so long  to choose Mummy's present. After a walk along the sea front I’m now beginning to feel human again.
     
    Yours wondering if I may have dreamt the entire last two weeks,
     
    Simon.
    May 27

    Highlights

    Highlights
     
    1.06 Saturday morning. Woke up with the buzzing of my phone and Sa on voicemail.
     
    I fly home later today. In a few hours I’ll be up and off. Can’t wait to be with my family again. But I’ll miss my friends here, I know.
     
    It’s been amazing. Here are some highlights:
    • A bunch of great songs
    • Seeing Twila in action at her church
    • Hearing Holly say “we’re demoing that”
    • Knights in white chocolate at Cold Stone Creamery
    • American Idol is over at last
    • Seeing Barry’s home studio – I don’t know how he does those hours
    • Not being grilled by immigration on the way in
    • Imogen Heap at the Cannery
    • Greenhills Grille
    • Being blown away by FBC (again)
    • Supper at the Cheesecake Factory
    • Hearing “yeah, great idea, I’d love to write that”
    • Landing my first major artist cowrite on a song
    • John Cox’s eldest son trying to blow us all up while we were cowriting
    • Chatting in the writing rooms
    • Having dinner with friends and hearing their track on the radio on the way home… nice moment
    • USA vs. Morocco pre world cup soccer match with James
    • Hanging out with Ross
    • Carrot cake at J Alexander
    • Hearing Holly say “we’re demoing that” again
    • Finding a book on the music business I’ve been looking for ages in B&N
    • Experiencing “Belinda’s Early Evening Comedy Show”
    • Seeing that iChat cowriting has started at the BBMP writing rooms
    • Getting to know and work with my incredible cowriters
    There are so many more things I could add…
     
    Thanks everyone. Special thanks to Sa for letting me come out here. And to Holly and Sue for organizing everything. And to Ross for being a chum. And all the friends I cowrote with. Thanks y'all.
     
    Yours wishing I could get home without waiting 20 hours,
     
    S.
    May 25

    Lost track

    9.05 Thursday morning. In my kitchen.
     
    Sorry for the radio silence. It’s been mad. Got back at past 1.00 am last night from Barry’s place. I have actually lost track of how many songs I’m turning in now. I know I’ve already beaten my record for a 2 week trip (10). I’m worried that I will have set it so high that there’s no chance of matching it next time. A nice problem. I’m just grateful to have the opportunity.
     
    So what’s been happening?
     
    Well yesterday Melissa and I finished off the cool song we started on Tuesday, and then Gina and I finished off a song we started on video and got half way through another one. We had lunch at Greenhills Grille with Sue. My first time there and I’m definitely going back. It was a fun lunch.
     
    In the afternoon I did some bits and bobs – the track John and I recorded on Monday evening – Holly wants to hear it speeded up and with guitars so we were working out how to do that without losing his vocal performance. John took it to his friends at Zodlounge (a production house) and they did an incredible job on it. I’ll play it to Holly sometime today hopefully. Oh, and while I was working Sue and Gina passed a lyric to me to set a melody to. That was very cool. It’s a fast track and I know it’s going to be a great song. Thank you.
     
    After a visit to Coldstone Creamery (It's becoming my #1 favourite) Belinda had arrived for an early evening cowrite and we finished off the lyric to a song we started a couple of visits ago. I’d been working up a melody to the chorus and she liked the feel of it so it won’t take long to finish that off. She is so funny. I really haven't laughed as much for a long time. I will never look at pineapple upside down cake in the same way again.
     
    After doing another worktape (9.30) I headed out to Barry’s place where he was tracking vocals for a Southern Gospel CD. Sounded great. After the artist had finished we had some ‘hang’ time which was cool because Barry is a busy man. We talked techy stuff, production technique, vocal recording and talked through how I could maybe help with his workload from England. It’s totally possible and I’m actually really excited about the idea.
     
    So yeah, I got in late late late again.  But judging by the time on the email John sent me with the track from Zodlounge (3.00 am) so did he. Thanks a lot John. And to all my chums here. I’m having fun.
     
    Today I’m writing with Twila again this morning, Caleb Collins this afternoon and tonight I’m hanging out with Joy and Nate.
     
    I’ll try and be a little less tardy with my blogging over the next few days.
     
    Yours looking forward to speaking to Sandra later on,
     
    S.
    May 24

    Congrats Bo and Anne

    Got a call yesterday while I was writing at BBMP. It was my friend Bo. He was at hospital. Another little Helmich had arrived – a little boy about 8 pounds something. I could hear squeaks and beeps in the background.
     
    Congratulations. If you’re looking for some more English names like Paul and Emma how about these:
     
    Marmaduke
    Horrace
    Malcolm
    Keith
    Beverly (yes, for a boy)
    Edmund
    Hilary (yes, really)
    Fredrick
    Henry
     
     
    Yours wondering what chaos to the power of three feels like,
     
    S.
     
    May 23

    Day 2 at Universal

    2.30 am, just got back to my suite after cowriting and tracking at John Cox's. It's the end of a really busy day: three cowrites and four songs, two ready to turn in. Thanks to Joel, James and John, I've so enjoyed myself.
     
    As I drove back from John's tonight, on an empty freeway under a sky filled with stars, I thought about how long I've wanted to do this. It's a good feeling, whether the songs get cut or not.
     
    Tomorrow is breakfast with Cindy from Word, finishing the two songs off from today, cowriting with Melissa (should be fun) and a soccer match (USA vs Morocco) with James Tealy down town.
     
    Hope you don't mind but I’m going to sleep.
     
    Yours saying night night,
     
    S.
    May 21

    Day 1 at Universal

    7.18 Saturday evening, at suite in Cool Springs.
     
    Just got a call from Ross inviting me to see Imogen Heap live tonight. It'll be great to hook up with him and a bunch of other chums, especially since I’ve been looking at my computer screen all day. Except for a quick trip to Subway and its neighbour (MS). It’s suddenly turned really hot so I’ve been in air conditioning most of the time.
     
    Had a nice long chat with Sa this evening. She was watching the Eurovision Song Contest on TV. We normally watch it together so she called to see if I could watch it over the web. It took on a new meaning for us about 10 years ago when we entered a song into the competition to select the UK entry.
     
    Yesterday went well. I started the day down at Universal writing with Michael Puryear and his dog Rocky (like Sue's dog?). After kicking a few ideas around we settled on one of mine to write. We wrote for a few hours and this weekend Michael’s inviting an artist onto it. One of the perks of writing with a songplugger I guess. I'm writing at Universal on Monday afternoon so I should hear where we go with it next then.
     
    Later I popped in to see Dan Keen at ASCAP to sort out some stuff I’d been meaning to do for a while. It’s always nice to see Dan. He gave me the names of the London ASCAP people so it will be cool to connect with them when I get back.
     
    After a bite to eat I went back to BBMP to see who was around and to write a little on my own. Friday afternoons are sometimes quiet but Tony Wood was there with Kim Walling and we swapped embarrassing stories for a while. That was fun. Then I headed over to John Cox’s house where we finished off the song we started on Tuesday and recorded a rough demo. I listened to it this morning and it turned really great. Thanks a lot John.
     
    Guess I’d better grab something to eat before it gets too late.
     
    Yours looking forward to the concert and to FBC tomorrow,
     
    S.
    May 19

    Popping them out

    7.21 in bed with a nice cup of tea. Looks like I’ve shaken off my jet lag.
     
    Yesterday I got to BBMP and bumped into Chad before Twila and I settled down for the morning to cowrite. Whenever Twila and I get together we love to talk tech. After a short while we quickly zoomed in on a lovely idea which we got some way towards finishing and hope to hook up again next week to finish it off. 
     
    In the afternoon I went over to Holly and Guy’s house to write with Guy. We pushed around a number of cool ideas, most of which could well end up in songs one day, before settling on a really deep idea which we both love. Again we hope to get together sometime next week to see if we can move it on. 
     
    One of the cool things about coming over here for two weeks is the opportunity to finish stuff off from week 1 in week 2 and the chance to work on songs and worktapes during the weekend. I can see already I’ve got a busy weekend ahead. Which is good because (a) that’s why I’m here and (b) next week's schedule is getting full.
     
    I got to talk to Sa and Poppy on Skype for a long time yesterday evening. It always makes my day. Especially when we can just talk and talk without worrying about the phone bill.
     
    Today I’m with Michael Puryear at Universal before heading off to John Cox’s place to record the worktape of the song we wrote on Tuesday (it will probably end up being a rough demo). We may get started on another song. They often just pop out when I get together with John.
     
    Yours wondering if I might have to start using the alarm clock next week,
     
    S.
     
    May 18

    3,000 miles is too far to drive

    9.43pm, collapsed in an ice-cream coma in my sitting room.
     
    I’m tired so this will be quick.
     
    Update
    All going well: 4 new songs and another turned in. That’s good going although to be fair a couple need to be looked at again with fresh ears and finished off. Thanks to my cowriters so far - Phil Mehrens, John Cox and Michael Boggs. I enjoyed the ride.
     
    Had supper with Ross and his family tonight – can’t believe they drove 3,000 miles down from Seattle over the last four days. That’s like halfway to the UK. Or from the UK to the Sahara…. that’s wild.
     
    Tonight we ate Thai followed by Cold Stone Creamery. The girls in Cold Stone Creamery found my accent a bit of a novelty. One just kept her mouth open every time I spoke. Then I asked them to sing and it was like a scene out of The Sound of Music – complete with part harmonies. Funny.
     
    I’m going to turn in because if I don’t this will soom endg up beiny gobbrldeea goook.
     
    Yours delighted that Sandra’s now reading my blog (kisses xxx),
     
    S.
     
    May 16

    The more I can ignore the more I can notice

    4.49am in bed at my suite in Cool Springs. I welcome the kind of jetlag that makes me want to jump out of bed and get on with life.
     
    The trip over was textbook. Taxi arrived on time, Gatwick to Charlotte was so early we had to wait in the plane for US customs people to get back from lunch (honestly), immigration were almost friendly (I brushed up for them this time), Charlotte to Nashville was early. Picked up the car I’d booked online, checked into my regular 2 room suite and went out to the supermarket (Wild Oats) to get supper and organic provisions for 2 weeks. All as programmed.
     
    Don’t get me wrong, like most people I'm bored when things are too predictable, but some things in my life just need to work and the trip over is one of those things. The more I can ignore the more I can notice and enjoy.
     
    So am I saying I enjoyed the trip over? In a way, yes. I got to watch two movies (Walk The Line and Family Stone), develop some ideas from the weekend with Pat (not a rewrite of SongTools – thankfully –  but some refinements and maybe a new module), catch up on a load of e-mails on the plane, tidy up some City business and chat to one of my cowriters (Bo) from the ‘free wireless area’ at Charlotte airport. AND I arrived not looking like I was about to appear in a horror movie. For all of this I am totally grateful.
     
    So today it's down to work. Not sure who I’m writing with this morning. If I’m free that would be great because I’ve got two more cowrites today anyway (Phil Mehrens this afternoon and John Cox this evening). It would be cool to have some time to meet my chums at BBMP before shutting the writing room door. But if there’s a cowrite out there, I’m totally up for it. I’ll be there at 9.30 anyway to see if there's anyone waiting or willing to dance.
     
    Spoke to Sandra at Charlotte and all is well at home. I’m grateful she’s so behind all this. I couldn’t do it otherwise. I’m lucky to have someone who’ll just make things work at home and sometimes give me a little push when she sees me hesitate. Thank you Sa.
     
    Yours wondering if she’ll see that because I don’t think she reads my blog,
     
    S.
    May 14

    Sunday School

    Tonight Sa told me how our pre-church home version of Sunday School went this morning. It's normally a story, maybe a short video and some craft work. Today Sandra was explaining to the children how Jesus is going to come again. The conversation then went like this –
     
    Poppy: “Mummy”
    Sa: “Yes”
    Poppy: “You know when Jesus comes again Mummy”
    Sa: “Yes”
    Poppy: “Will he come to England?”
    Sa: <Speechless>
     
    S.

    Jell-O Brain

    On the train again home from London again. It’s the end of two days intensive work. I now feel like I’ve had my brain sucked out of my head and the space filled with jelly (Jell-O).
     
    Today we abandoned the writing assignment to focus on specific questions. As usual Pat’s answers were like gold. We covered a lot of ground – from techniques for moving a song forward to cowriting, rewriting, structure and form, rhyme schemes (again) and we even touched on performance skills.
     
    Here’s my top 20 Pat Pattison quotes from today’s sessions, pruned down from a very long list…
     
    1. On analysing songs written by other people – “Try to figure out what you DO like about a song rather than what you DON’T like… you will learn much more”
    2. “Gary Burr has a 1:25 cut rate. Hugh Prestwood has a 1:2 cut rate.” Wow.
    3. “90% of Bob Dylan’s work was not in his best 10%... so here’s the reality: the more you write the more songs will be in your best 10%!”
    4. On writing habits – “I have no patience for people who only write when they are inspired… you need to practice writing like you’re learning a difficult tune on the guitar. Don’t wait for the right moment when your fingers just happen to hit the right notes. Learn how to hit them every time you need to play the tune.” (I paraphrased that last bit)
    5. “If you put anything in the spotlight (a key position in a song) it had better say something worth hearing”
    6. On the publishing business model: “With a publisher you get your money a year after the track is sold. With iTunes you get it next month!”
    7. On cowriting: “In many cowrites there’s an A and a B writer. As the B writer it is my responsibility to bring the idea”
    8. “Always lay your best ideas on the table in a cowrite, even when you’re writing down. Let the future take care of itself”
    9. On writing with Gary Burr – “Something happens to me when I sit in the room with an 800lb gorilla” (that’s my favourite over the last two days)
    10. “Our job as cowriters is to say everything – no matter how stupid it is”
    11. “Never talk about how to write a song during a cowrite. Just cowrite”
    12. “Use the door to seal all the stupid ideas in the room” (I’m paraphrasing another story)
    13. “Never say ‘no’ during a cowrite… just come up with a better line”
    14. “Cowriting is not about arguing what goes into a line. It’s a creative partnership. In the ideal situation no one should be able to say who’s written which line”
    15. “Know when to shut up in a cowrite. All we want is the best song to come out of the cowrite and if that means letting your cowriter drive the bus – that’s just fine”
    16. “As songwriters we don’t have to be monogamous in our cowriting relationships”
    17. On rewriting – “Making it different is not the same as making it better”
    18. “Writing uses different skills from rewriting: Writing is about being creative. Rewriting is about using knowledge and tools.”
    19. “If you can’t say it that way then you can’t sing it that way”
    20. On performance – “Don’t just sing the notes like a singer, sing the words like a person”
    Thanks a lot Pat. And my friends from NSAI (UK). I’ve had a great time. Two cool things to come out of the weekend for me are:
    • I realise that after all the courses I’ve now done at Berklee I know a little more about this stuff than I thought. That’s very good for my sleeping habits on the eve of a writing trip to Nashville
    • Pat wants to hook up during my second week in Nashville. If he’s able to broaden my horizons in London, what can he do there?
    This weekend has been so worthwhile but I’ve really missed the family… I’ve not seen the children awake for two days now. I probably won’t until I get back from Nashville on the 28th. That sucks.
     
    Looking forward to some quality time with Sa.
     
    Yours determined to look my best for US immigration tomorrow,
     
    S.
    May 13

    Top 20 Prof Pat Pattison Quotes

    On the 18.20 train home from London.
     
    Well I made it to see the professor after all. Started out at 5.50 this morning via bicycle, train, bus, train again, subway, taxi, a little walk and a lot of HTB (www.htb.org.uk) on podcast. Doing it now in reverse. Can’t believe I can actually connect to the www on a train.
     
    What a pleasure it was to meet up with Pat. I was impressed that he remembered me from his classes a few years ago. He actually said “Yeah, I remember you Simon, you were good!”... yeah right.
     
    After introductions he asked what I wanted to get out of our 10 hours together this weekend and we got down to business. We revisited principles old and new, listened to some songs, analysed some lyrics (great and not so great) and generally had a fun time. I forgot how much I’d forgotten if that makes sense.
     
    So, here’s my top 20 cool Prof Pat Pattison quotes from today…
    1. “Preserve the natural shape of the language when setting your lyric to music”
    2. “There is only “better”… not absolute success in songwriting"
    3. "The trick is to gather all the tools and all the information you need to craft great songs and to monitor the quality of ideas going into the process”
    4. “Use your senses to build something that people are able to hang their own stuff on… people should love your songs because they are really about them”
    5. “Forget writing like anyone else. The hardest thing you’ll ever do is to write the best you can”
    6. “Universal does not mean unspecific. Rather, universal means specific and descriptive”
    7. “A great idea is like a fine wine – you should give it time to mature”
    8. “Preserve the natural shape of the language” (again)
    9. “I like to think of myself as helping to take the mystery out of songwriting, not the fun”
    10. “Have some sense of the atmosphere of a song”
    11. “After you’ve sketched out your idea, use your six best friends to test it out: who, what, when, why, where and how”
    12. “Garry Burr takes the first five ideas he has for developing a title and throws them away because they have probably all been written before”
    13. “Writing c**p songs is fine... it’s the best fertiliser”
    14. “Motion in a lyric creates emotion in a listener”
    15. “Preserve the natural shape of the language” (yes, again)
    16. “I care deeply about getting all the juice I can out of the ideas I write”
    17. “Room-test a lyric to make sure it can be said and sung with genuine feeling and emotion” (If you email me, I’ll tell you what room-testing is)
    18. “Sculpt your lyrics as though they are going to be matched with the best melody on the planet”
    19. “Learn to quit clearing your song’s throat” (email me for that one as well)
    20. “Give the downbeat some juice”

    I showed Pat SongTools for the first time. He loved it. He also said that I must have too much time on my hands. I think that was a compliment.

     
    Yours wondering where I’ll get the energy for this tomorrow and still be alive for my 20 hour journey to songwriter heaven on Monday,
     
    S.

    How to make a million dollars writing songs

    It’s just gone midnight and I’m finishing up for the week in my writing room. Sa had a girlie night at our house tonight so I thought I’d make myself scarce. She sweetly made me supper before they all came but I sloped off on my bike to do another worktape and clear up a few other bits and bobs.
     
    I think this is my last day in the Studio before I leave for Nashville. I say ‘think’. I’m off to meet Pat Pattison for a couple of days tomorrow in London but I’ve got a funny feeling it’s not going to work. I could be totally wrong. I really hope so. But I just can’t see it happening. Weird eh? 
     
    It’s been a really productive week, even if my TODO list is longer at the end than it was at the beginning. Three songs tracked in one shape or another. There's still so much I want to do before I leave on Monday. But I’m determined not to stay awake all night getting ready on Sunday evening. That’s happened before. No wonder US Immigration thought I looked suspicious. I remember the last time I arrived at my suite in Cool Springs thinking I’d be smart and send a video clip to Sandra and the children to let them see I was ok. But after seeing myself on video I realised it might actually scare them… I looked like I was about to drop dead! So I decided against it.
     
    Had my parents over to the Beach House this afternoon. Great to have some time with them before I leave. It was a lovely warm English summer day here today (even though it’s still too early to expect the weather to stay like that for the summer). The children and I were rolling around on the lawn in our back garden (yard), playing with balls and blow up toys, wrestling and stuff. The children ate their tea out there while us grown ups had tea to drink. It was a golden moment I wished I could somehow record to relive in a holodeck or something time and time again.
     
    I’m getting sleepy so I’ll stop. Here’s my songwriter joke of the moment:
     
    Q: How do you make a million dollars writing songs?
    A: Start with two million.
     
    Yours wondering if I really am going to wake up at 5.30 to get the train tomorrow,
     
    S.
    May 10

    Unprepared

    Too busy.
     
    I’ve got three days to prepare for my next Nashville trip and I am totally unprepared. I know I'm always unprepared at this stage of a trip and there’s a routine I go through to address most things. But I need to start this morning. And even then, I will still FEEL unprepared. I just have to get my head around that.
     
    Sandra’s already gearing up for having me away for a couple of weeks: organising extra help with the children, planning family days without me, starting to talk to the children about it a little. That’s the one thing I really don’t like about going to Nashville… being without them. But if they were with me I’m sure I’d only get half as much done.
     
    She asked me last night if I felt like I had two lives, one here and one in Nashville. And reality is I don't. With Ross, Bo and Sue coming to stay with us the two worlds have already joined together. And technology has transformed the studio from a funny little seaside cottage into a worm hole to my cowriters and the studio at BBMP. I can hardly believe it myself sometimes.
     
    There are ideas to sort out, the studio to pack away, things to buy, emails to send, projects to finish and the bit I hate the most… packing up. Normally, at this point in the schedule, my right brain throws me a great idea about how cool it would be to have something extra to take with me. This time it’s telling me to go buy a new Powerbook, move the G5 in my writing room to the Beach House and upgrade the quality of our video conferencing. Nice try. Sorry, I really can’t do that that one.
     
    It’s compounded by this weekend being taken up by two days with my lyric professor from Berklee, Pat Pattison. So on Saturday I’m off to London for the second weekend in a row. But he’s such incredible value. I know I will feel like I can write a thousand songs after spending time with him.
     
    Just as well, because on Tuesday, sleepy Hawkins is going to be expecting himself to do just that.
     
    Yours needing to stop before this blog becomes one of those subconscious creative delaying tactics,
     
    S.
     
     
    May 08

    HTB's School of Worship

    On Saturday I went up to London to a seminar run by Tim Hughes. It was the first in a series at HTB’s School of Worship. I felt humbled to be there and needless to say, like many things HTB does, it was wonderful.
     
    I learnt a bunch of new things like: toilets flush in the key of E flat, Pink Floyd once played a concert so loud that it killed an entire pond of fish nearby, and cows and chickens are more productive listening to Britney Spears.
     
    But here's my top-10 list of cool thoughts I took away with me:
    1. As we listen to nature around us and hear creation singing to God… how cool it is to be able to join in and worship in harmony with that.
    2. We cannot compete with the angels’ song in trying to please God in our worship. But we can add our voice to it and, in the same way that a child paints a picture and gives it to their mom or dad, it can still be a wonderful expression to God.
    3. Just as music can be used as a destructive influence in the world, it can be used in a positive way to communicate the heart of God to this world. How can we pioneer music to discover its spiritual impact over what the world has to offer?
    4. Has the church been too afraid of the power of music? Do we settle for a watered down version of worship, just to avoid offending people? Worship has to be passionate, God-focussed and relevant. We can’t let it be indifferent.
    5. How do we approach worship with excellence? What needs to be in place to bring that about? The church used to be the place of excellence in music… how can we return to that place now?
    6. God rejoices over us with singing… how does that sound like?
    7. In our worship – maybe we should learn how we each hear the voice of God and try to sing/write like that.
    8. As worship leaders, our identity is in being loved by God, not in our role in a worship team.
    9. Music is a wonderful gift from God, let’s unwrap it and see what God has really given us.
    10. We don’t need to settle for second best. Especially in our writing. 
    More than any individual thoughts here – I was struck again by how inspiring worship can be. Another 'I-can't-get-a-word-out-of-my-mouth' moment.
     
    Yours wondering if the ‘Britney Spears affect’ is a positive or negative one,
     
    S.
    May 07

    Guest Blogger: Sue C Smith

    Ladies and gentlemen...
     
    Please give it up for...
     
    Sue C Smith
     
    clap clap clap WHISTLE clap clap clap
     
    +++
     

    Simon is busy. This is Simon’s friend and co-writer Sue. It’s one a.m. where Simon lives, and right now he is in his studio, facing a full night of work. We were chatting on line about a song we’ve written and the demo we’re trying to get finished, and he said he really wanted to do his blog tonight, but he just wasn’t going to get to it.

     

    I volunteered to help. Ever since I came back from England, I’ve been wanting to publish my “English To English Dictionary.” I’ve told nearly everyone I’ve run into this week about my conversation with Poppy after she had corrected my American name for something.

     

    ME: Poppy, why is everything called something different here than it is in America?

    POPPY: Because WE speak ENGLISH here!

     

    So, for those of you who speak American English, these are words you might want to learn before you come to England. For those of you who speak British English, don’t even change. When you come to America, we will find your use of these words so charming, you will become the center of attention wherever you go.

     

    In the category of food, what I would call a cookie, Simon would call a biscuit. What I could call a biscuit, well the nearest thing in England is a scone… and that would rhyme with “con” not “cone.” Our evening meal is either dinner or supper. Poppy and Monty had tea… not the drink but their evening meal, after which they had bathtime and then went to bed. For their tea, they might have fruit and yogurt, maybe a sandwich. On the other hand, Simon and Sandra had tea, which meant the whole thing of stopping to have tea and a break around four p.m.… sort of like stopping for a Diet Coke and a Snickers bar in the afternoon for me. But then, they also had supper around 7 or 8 p.m., after the kids were in bed for the night. After supper, they might have a pudding. I would call this dessert. It might be ice cream or cake… but hardly ever actually pudding. In fact, Simon seemed not to know what pudding actually was.

     

    What I would call chips or potato chips, they called crisps. If I asked for chips, I would get what Americans call fries, as in “Do you want fries with that?”

     

    For breakfast, they would spread jam or preserves on their toast or croissant, where I would probably reach for the jelly… probably grape jelly, which Simon seemed not to have heard of. Speaking of grape jelly, Sandra could not get over the idea of pairing peanut and jelly on a sandwich, but said she might try it sometime. She said, “What jelly would be closest to grape?” Uh…. Maybe grape?

     

    Marmite. There is no American equivalent to this. It is made of yeast, it’s salty not sweet. But it was pretty good to spread on toast. And when we went out for pizza, Sandra had a salad with rocket on the top. It tasted good although I’d never had it. I think in America this is called arugula.

     

    What I would call an appetizer, Sandra calls starters or nibbles. I was actually trusted to provide the starters on my last night there.

     

    The night Neil and Julie came to dinner, we laughed about Julie feeding Neil pot noodle while she was pregnant with little Charlie. They were surprised when I said, “Oh… we would call that Cup-O-Noodles!”

     

    A pasty (rhymes with the name Patsy), is something like a calzone… a meat pie you can hold and eat. It isn’t a pastry, which would be sweet and maybe fruity.

     

    Here in the America, we get take out a lot. Simon and Sandra get take away.

     

    Let’s talk clothing. Pants. We Americans use that word to mean anything from trousers to slacks to underwear. Poppy gladly informed me that pants are what boys wear under their trousers. What I would call underwear or undies or panties, Poppy would call knickers. When we were in London, we saw the store that makes the Queen’s knickers. When I wore my bathrobe or robe, to Poppy it was a dressing gown. My pullover sweater is a jumper to her. To me a jumper has a skirt and is worn over a blouse or shirt of some sort… often by an elementary school teacher. Monty wore nappies that often needed to be changed. Here in America, my little grandson Houston still wears diapers, but they often need to be changed too. Houston still sucks a pacifier (well… we call it a sassy, but that’s just us). Monty sucks a dummy. Monty sleeps in a cot. Houston is in a crib or baby bed. Houston has a security blanket… his blankie, we call it. Poppy has a muzzy. If Houston was crying or throwing a little tantrum (not that he ever would, the little darling), we might settle him down. If it happened with Monty, Sandra would sort him out. At the mall, Houston gets pushed around in a stroller. Monty has a pushchair. When they get a little older, Houston and Jacob may play football. Monty would call that American football. He might play football, which Jacob and Houston would call soccer.

     

    Well, this is taking longer to explain than I thought. In America if you want to park your car, look for a parking lot. In England, look for a car park. I’d ask where the restroom or ladies room is. Sandra would ask for the loo or ladies or toilet. I’d put my groceries in my trunk. She would put them in the boot. After sorting through her rubbish, Sandra is a diligent recycler. I just throw out the trash, but I have promised Sandra I will do better with the recycling.

     

    Getting close to the end here. In America, some people live in apartments. In England, the same thing is a flat. If I wanted a bottle of Scotch or gin, I would go to a liquor store, I suppose. I’ve never actually wanted a bottle of such, but I do know where to go to get them. In England I would go to an off license. Once there I might have to queue up, whereas in America, if the store was busy, I would have to get in line. If I slipped and fell on something at the liquor store, I might end up on my butt. At the off license, I would fall on my bum. If I had other things to pick up when I left the liquor store, it might be this and that, but leaving the off license, I might have to stop off for bits and bobs.

     

    FINALLY… I would dearly love to go on vacation to Disney World. Simon and Sandra go on holiday or hols. Judging from what I saw at Gatwick airport, many people from England are going on hols to Disney World too. We have holidays in America… days we get off from school or work… Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Years. In England, there are bank holidays or public holidays.

     

    When I left, Sandra was asking Simon if he would do some work in the garden… what I would call the yard. Simon said he would need to put on his Wellingtons. Apparently these are what I would call galoshes… although John would not wear them for the garden but for walking in the snow or rain. Nevertheless, they are both rubber boots.

     

    I’m sure I could think of more, but I think that’s enough, don’t you? So for now… cheerio. Simon will return in a day or two.

     

     

    May 04

    In the bath

    Today has been a day of contrasts.
     
    The morning was creative - tracking a song Sue and I wrote last week. It sounded great so I got it off to Holly by lunchtime, which is morning in Nashville. Perfect.
     
    The afternoon was cool – video conferencing to the US – firstly to my friend Bo in Glenwood Springs, Colorado and then to Barry and Holly in the demo studios at BBMP in Cool Springs, TN. They noticed I was looking a bit of a wreck today. They were totally right. Sometimes I don't dress up for work. Today was one of those days. 
     
    The evening was smelly - I’d promised Sandra to dig the garden for her birthday (she's easily pleased). So tonight, out came my green Wellington boots, a beaten up old barber jacket and a new spade. There’s something romantic about the idea of pushing a shiny spade through rich Sussex soil. Reality involved a lot of hard work. I was already sweaty from the digging… but next was the horse manure. Minging. 
     
    Yours writing this from a nice hot bath,
     
    S.
    May 02

    Tooting

    While Sue was with us last week we found it cool to notice how American English uses words in a different way from English English. Poppy was always quick to point out those differences.  Sue came up with the idea of creating an American-English dictionary.
     
    After I-don't-know-how-many trips to America, I thought I'd spotted most of them. Well, I just read my good friend Gina's blog (great to have you back Gina) at http://spaces.msn.com/gbmusichhhh/ and it reminded me that my education is far from over. In England 'Tooting' is the name of an upper middle class area of South London... in America it seems it's a verb for something else.
     
    Yours now wondering how many Americans I've offended without knowing it,
     
    S.